| | This just happened minutes ago . . . . . .
I was sitting here nicely in my lil cubicle in the office, when out of nowhere Pastor Floyd came up to us and asked us (Rohan & I) permission for a small get together at our place sometime, pray & encourage one another.
The 1st thought that came to mind went something like :
"bIbLe study?? for what?? erm okay...so you think I have a spiritual problem?? Who are you to judge ME?? Oh come on......" not AGAIN* "
See how rotten our hearts can be most of the time? After some thought though, it hit me like.....
" WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THAT TIAN YU???"
"WHERE DID ALL THAT COME FROM??"
Problem is, I have put myself to think I'm spiritually NOT okay. I thought I was alright, as long as I knew what I knew was right & wrong...thats good. If I screwed up, God would forgive me. But if I dont, well...GOOD!
But the prob is...did you notice something in the statement above? . . . .
* count the number of "I"s in it...compared to the number of "God" in it...*
Do you see it now? Its all based on me! How to make ME feel good - feel nice - feel comfy - feel confident - based on how I view things. If something contradicts, I push it aside...disregard it...the end*
Coming back to the present, the bible study is a much welcome relief indeed.....its gonna hurt my ego, as well...as much as I hate to admit it....I NEED IT...i mean admitting I need help is such a wussy thing to admit nowadays...but well, this kind of help can only come from God & a humble heart. That means be willing to be corrected (meaning in most cases...to some degree of humiliation), & exposing certain parts of your life that you always would luuuuuuv to keep hidden from others.
Geeze*
Back to square 1 again poeple....but surprisingly, I am looking forward to be rebuked * corrected knowing that ultimately, its for the best of my spiritual growth...and growth like most other process in life...is painful & akward.
Sorry God for screwing up yet *again*...
Off to Cebu tomorrow for my working visa interview. Till after that!~
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| | Posted 5/28/2009 10:53 AM - 14 Views - 2 eProps - 2 comments
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